A peak into what I've been up to..

This summer has been so beautiful. My boyfriend moved back from New York, and I could not be any more happy. My days are spent searching for ways to get outside more and explore the more awe-inspiring parts of Jacksonville. I have the most beautiful friends who encourage and join me on the days I want to be under the sun. 

Almost as soon as Patrick was back in town we started planning out things to do. One of my favorite days was the one that we spent in the water, kayaking and talking. He did most of the work though because I literally have no endurance, but we both still had a lot of fun.

Not too long after kayaking we went to Big Talbot Island to explore all of the dead trees and tiny ponds of water and life that gets stuck between rocks.

One of my favorite days was the day that all of my friends spent in Big Talbot Island. Sarah and I spent most of the day laying around while Eldred and Melanie played Frisbee and looking around a little bit more. High tide was coming in so we didn't stay long, but we went swimming at Melanie's house to clean off and cool down.
 

Most recently was my birthday camping trip that Patrick and I went on in Highlands hammock near Tampa. It was so incredibly hot and we didn't do much during the day, but as soon as we went on trials and got out in the evening, we saw so many wild animals and the sun was so glorious. We made a sort of pact to go out and see new things more frequently and I want so badly to travel to the East Coast, but money is tight right now with his recent car accident and my just finding a job. 

         My absolute favorite part of this summer is my realizing and seeing all the change that I want to make and can make in my own life. I've been so stuck in a bitter mindset that has just worn my energy and patience down. I'm trying so hard now to see the little delights in life and to look at the bad parts differently. I love everything about my life, and it is truly a waste of my time being upset with the things that I don't have. I have the most beautiful and thoughtful people in my life who take care of whoever that they can. And God created a world with so many wonderful things and I have failed to see it for twenty years. 

I hope everyone Else's summer has been great so far, and I hope you all find something to inspire you during it.

For spring break, my friends and I went across the country to NY,NY.

And it was beautiful.

We spent days walking around the city, seeing things that the locals would want to see while also taking time to be tourists. I cannot tell you how many tea shops we stopped in and how many dumplings I had. It was so cold the entire time though and some people would joke about how us Floridians made room for them to go down their on their spring break.

 My favorite day up there was when we stopped in the Natural History museum. I could have spent at least a day in there looking at all the animals and displays they had all around. I wanted to read everything.

                        

Goodbye, New York

2014

Its been awhile, since ringing in the new year I've been running around like crazy.

I quit my job, but thats a whole other story that I dont even want to get into again.

I'm taking this time off of work to relax and experience and give myself time to fall in love with stupid little things again. 

One week I went to Savannah with a couple of friends and it was such a beautiful day

 We spent time in forsyth park and met a man who has been to 20 different states since January with his pet cat that kind of just chills out on his shoulders. And we went into some of our favorite shops and got way too cold so made the short trip home.

2014 is bringing some great adventures and ideas and revelations. What I'm most excited about now is New York on the 17th for a week and whatever else this year wants to throw at me.

It honestly scares me how much changes in less than a months time.

This group of people meant everything to me, and now, for whatever reason my relationship with some of them is dangling on a thin string. I'm hurt. 

What are things going to be like in six more months? Am I even going to talk to them anymore?

His grace is unending and unfailing

This week has been a heck of a journey, as is every walk with God. Knowing when you need to take a step back in order to follow his plan and continue to love yourself. I took a leap of faith; knowing that I'd ruin something I loved. Hurting someone that is so dear to me in order to keep true to Him. I surrendered pursuing relationships to fall deeper in love with my Jesus.

In the last seven days I've learned so much about myself. I don't like to be attacked, or to be told that I'm doing something wrong. Not with everything, but somethings I really don't like to be told about. So I get stubborn, and refuse to look at it with a different perspective. So I miss an important critique, and go about this week feeling bitter and angry.I some how lost myself for a few days. I lost my compassion and love and empathy. I was fueled only by what is "fun" and easy to me. 

God extended his grace to me tonight. Slapping me in the face with the realization that I was running from what His plan is. I was sprinting without looking back.

And I guess that is why being twenty is so tough. Not because you have to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life and go to school for it. But because we have several strings tied to us. A string for a boyfriend, family, what you think is "fun", and then God. Being twenty is tough to me because you are being pulled by each of these ties but you have to decide which string you need to cut. What you think will betray your walk with God. 

I want to do right by Him. I know what it is that I want to do. What He wants me to do. It all just took a good slap in the face by someone that loves and sees my soul.

Growth takes time.