This week has been a heck of a journey, as is every walk with God. Knowing when you need to take a step back in order to follow his plan and continue to love yourself. I took a leap of faith; knowing that I'd ruin something I loved. Hurting someone that is so dear to me in order to keep true to Him. I surrendered pursuing relationships to fall deeper in love with my Jesus.
In the last seven days I've learned so much about myself. I don't like to be attacked, or to be told that I'm doing something wrong. Not with everything, but somethings I really don't like to be told about. So I get stubborn, and refuse to look at it with a different perspective. So I miss an important critique, and go about this week feeling bitter and angry.I some how lost myself for a few days. I lost my compassion and love and empathy. I was fueled only by what is "fun" and easy to me.
God extended his grace to me tonight. Slapping me in the face with the realization that I was running from what His plan is. I was sprinting without looking back.
And I guess that is why being twenty is so tough. Not because you have to decide what you want to do with the rest of your life and go to school for it. But because we have several strings tied to us. A string for a boyfriend, family, what you think is "fun", and then God. Being twenty is tough to me because you are being pulled by each of these ties but you have to decide which string you need to cut. What you think will betray your walk with God.
I want to do right by Him. I know what it is that I want to do. What He wants me to do. It all just took a good slap in the face by someone that loves and sees my soul.
